Life Coach Jilly, Melbourne, Australia

This one’s gonna sting. But you didn’t come here for entertainment, you came here to be challenged and maybe even see things differently or clearer, and even be open to new possibilities in the next 10 minutes. Which I personally think is much better than 2 hours doom scrolling. You go, Glen Coco! I’ll do my best to drop in some little dopamine hits along the way to keep your hungry brain satiated.

Relationships today look nothing like they did 114 years ago. And I know you’re probably thinking: “Jilly, that is awfully specific”. To which I reply, I’m so glad you took the bait. 114 years ago from now was 1912, (I calculated that with a pen and paper old-school-styles to see if that part of my hungry brain works) - “Why 1912?” you ask? -Again- HOOK, LINE and SINK;

Fine, fine- I will tell you since you’ve read this far. 1912 was when the legendary “unsinkable” Titanic, a British Luxury Passenger Liner departed Southampton (England) across the Atlantic Ocean towards New York (USA) in just seven days... And yes, for those perhaps in my generation or (god help you) the generation below, that you may not have the attention span that is conducive to watching the 3 hour and 14 minutes movie in it’s entirety, so spoiler alert: they only made the journey 4 days in, and yes- that was a big problem.

I will try my best not to make too many Titanic jokes, as the Titanic was not just a movie, it really happened.

But with all great tragedies, whether personally lived through, or seen and felt through film and books, we experience it all first hand, we can learn something. If we’re lucky, we can take notice, and learn from someone else’s experience and make changes in our life to avoid walking that same treacherous path.

And with all societal expectations, pleasantries and rules, there is always a loop-hole. So I will only tastefully poke fun at the iconic characters Jack & Rose - simply because they were exactly that, fictional characters only. No letters please.

Out of my deepest respects for the Titanic, whilst writing this I am listening to the soundtrack of Titanic, most specifically “My heart will go on” on repeat by Celine Dion. I have embedded it if you would like to do the same Nobel service.

Back to 1912. The script back then in relationships was clear: typically one person worked and provided, and another managed the home and children. Success was measured in appearances, stability and conformity. Whilst there were many, I mean MANY set backs to this structure and I’m glad we have progressed lightening years ahead, but on the other hand you’ve gotta admit, life was much simpler, roles were stereotypically very clear - never muddied or changed.

Fast forward to 2026, whilst naval engineering and navigation has progressed and evolved to avoid disasters, the pressure now for both partners to succeed in their own right, live with purpose, raise children (if that’s your thing), and “have it all” can feel crushing, stagnant and directionless.

Those who enviably figure out a 50/50 split of efforts even changes from year to year, or sometimes even day to day. If we aren’t consciously choosing and openly communicating about it regularly, like at a ‘Brene-Brown meets Barefoot-Investor-date-nights’ level, about those shifting splits, then that can lead our ship blindly into Icebergs.

When you think about the extent to which relationships have evolved is simply the outsourcing of grocery delivery, cooking, house cleaning, taxi rides -hell- even dog walking. Arguably some of those tasks are the ones that bring connection and creation to our lives. Yet we have no time for them.

Our floors get mopped by pre-scheduled robots, while we stand around the kitchen island bench with our partner held practically in an iron grip headlock, like- the strength of a Multi-Level-Marketer who is not going to make their end of month bonus with out you, as we pitch to our partners our next bold move with blood shot eyes.

So why when it comes to our dreams, our purpose, our inner world, we hesitate to let someone else in — other than our lucky, lucky partners held at hostage?

Deadweight vs. Lightweight – What’s the Difference?

Time for a quick naval lesson. Trust me, there is a point to this digression (there usually isn’t). A ship’s total weight —called displacement— is made up of deadweight and lightweight.

Deadweight is the cargo it carries: fuel, food, crew (or in life- the one who takes care of 100% of the basic responsibilities, household duties, caretaking, and life-admin a.k.a surviving).
Lightweight is the ship itself: steel, engines, fittings (or in life- the one who has 100% the bandwidth and time for ambitions, growth, and personal drive a.k.a thriving).

When two people pile different amounts of deadweight and lightweight onto the same ship —without alignment— the vessel tips, wobbles, or even sinks. Same with us and our relationships: balance is everything. The worst thing you want it to be trapped in the monotony of always getting the deadweight tasks because we’re set in 1912.

Meet the Deadweights (Rose)

Kate Winslett, (a.k.a Rose in the Titanic) can we talk about this exquisite Millinery.

We’ve all met a Deadweight or maybe even been them from time to time. People who ask their partner to not only be their soulmate, best friend, cheerleader, fitness coach, life advisor but also take care of the home and family duties and be an emotional sponge. They complain, vent, then hand out their fears, frustrations, and unmet dreams— and then they have the audacity to ask you to get off the couch in the middle of watching the Titanic to get them a Magnum from the freezer. All while expecting unwavering support in return from the person who is graciously creating miracles from behind the scenes.

In this dynamic, it’s Rose who want’s to float on the door by herself because she likes the extra leg room. Then she’s all, ‘Jack... Jack... Jack, there's a boat- Jack...’ … it’s too late Rose, there are consequences... no more Magnums for you sweetheart. But in all seriousness this scene always, without fail brings me to tears, but so do those ‘dog adopts a human’ videos. And I don’t know why with that full knowledge, did I subject myself to watching it again on YouTube. I guess I just want to check I still have a heart. She’s ticking!

You want the truth? Your partner cannot and should not carry all the deadweight while you focus solely on your lightweight ambitions. Don’t make excuse that they are willing, able etc, letting your partner make huge sacrifices that cost them and/or the relationship dearly, with no end in sight is in my humble opinion egregious transgression, or in other words- a dick move.

It’s not fair to put one person in charge of the boat displacement (you remember that is deadweight + lightweight) because they have their own fears, responsibilities, and limitations to balance. Whether it’s their unique pressures or fears around the mortgage, career, kids, life stress they’re human too. Expecting them to believe fully in your dreams and be on top of everything else is just setting everyone up for friction, resentment, and frustration.

That is, unless, you have come together as a team it makes sense and everyone is on board with that arrangement. We don’t have to be all ‘1912’ about it, and be limited to thinking just about who currently makes more money. Challenge your perspective, is there another way to fill everyone’s cup?

Extra leg room for Rose. The “door” Rose floated on was actually a piece of carved balsa wood. It wasn’t a functional door—just an ornate, curved wood panel that ‘could support only one person’. The door sold for $718,750 at Auction in 2024.

Meet the Lightweights (Jack)

Did you know Leo was just 23 years old during the filming of the Titanic?

Then there’s the other side: The Lightweights, the ones who give and give until they vanish into a ghost or freeze in the Atlantic Ocean (told you I'd be tasteful about it). Your partner’s goals, their life, their happiness becomes the only thing that matters. Lightweights invest time, energy, and maybe even money into someone else’s life — while your own ideas sit on ice (see what I did there).

Then their “helpful” ideas and advice increase as they become more of the feeder, rather than the fed- crossing quickly into criticism, or their good intentions become pressure, they risk creating tension and distance. Trust me, I know this dance because I invented it.

It’s a slippery slope for us Lightweights…

Enter the Life Coach

This is where a life coach steps in. Unlike your partner, a coaches actual job is to show up fully invested in your growth — without the conflict of interest, or blindspots that shared responsibilities and obligations bring. Coaches help you challenge your fears, stretch your thinking, and guide you to take realistic yet brave, deliberate action—even when fear is tucked neatly in your back pocket while putting energy back in your dreams.

Life coaching isn’t about replacing your partner, it’s about creating intentional space for the heavy lifting. Which in turn, frees up the space for your partner to just take that extra hour for themselves and their self development each week, while you chase your full potential. Imagine what your partner could achieve if you weren’t leaning on them most of the time for your growth. If that hurts- then you need to call me. This isn’t about guilt tripping. This is about unlocking a new dance.

Support For Deadweights & Lightweights Alike

Picture someone who opens up a spot in their calendar for you to meet weekly, fortnightly, and checks in between sessions and sends accountability prompts, whose job — no, whose actual passion— is to help you do what you say you want to do, and leap at opportunities you’d otherwise ignore. A coach can help you figure out where to start, refuses to buy into excuses, make sure you celebrate your wins, and support you through uncertainty.

That’s the difference between outsourcing day to day tasks that keeps systems in place and really investing in your best life which helps you create a new future. You uncover your potential in coaching and take steps to close the gap. Imagine if you finally published that book, started that business, connected with that business partner or travelled or even moved to that country. Who would you be on the other side of that achievement?

Why Investing in Coaching, (Yourself) is Actually Good for Your Relationship

*This could be you*… “Jack, I’m flying”.

Spending time and investing money on yourself doesn’t have to feel selfish. You gain emotional bandwidth, clarity, and the courage to let go of stories that no longer serve you. It reduces pressure in the partnership, minimises conflict, and increases connection (and maybe even ‘paint me like one of your French girls’ kind of attraction comes back).

Your partner can love you, support you, and share the journey- but they cannot carry the weight of your future. That’s your responsibility. And if you’re lucky, strategic and decisive enough to hire a life coach, you get to take it one step further: fearless, clear, and empowered to live the life you were meant to lead. In the end, when you invest in your potential, both you and your relationship thrive.

Are you a Deadweight, Lightweight or in between? Take the Quiz

Relationships can be tricky. Some of us lean too heavily on our partners, others give so much we lose ourselves, lucky others fall somewhere in between. Which one are you? Find out below.

Instructions: For each question, choose the answer that best describes your behaviour. Get your partner to do it after you to see if and how you balance.

Steer Your Own Ship

Deadweight, Lightweight, or somewhere gloriously balanced in between — you get to decide how your ship sails. Stop carrying all the cargo while someone else floats on dreams.

Book a session — chart your course and steady the ship, it starts with an intro call.
Take the quiz above with your partner — compare scores and see if your ship is in balance.
Subscribe on the homepage — for more tips on clarity, confidence, and momentum in life and relationships.

Can’t wait to connect with you.

Deadweight or Lightweight? How Coaching Can Balance Your Relationship.